‘’The O.C’’: How Many Bitches Can Newport Survive!’’
By Arlene R. Weiss © Copyright September 16, 2005
‘’The O.C.’s’’ Julie Cooper must be shouting, a la the film ‘’Highlander’’, there can be only ONE! Bitch that is, in Newport. Or so Julie would like to think that she is the reigning Queen Bee. Guess again. In last night’s September 15, 2nd, season 3 episode, we found the fabulously wealthy town of Newport, overrun not just with bitches, but psycho bitches at that and major league SOB’s. Put up your dukes! It’s a snarky fight to the death!
First we have Taylor Townsend, or ‘’psycho Barbie’’ as Summer has aptly coined Harbor High School’s preppy diva pretender to Marissa’s teen socialite crown and school social chair throne, after Marissa got expelled from school for plugging Ryan’s pain in the ass brother Trey, even if it was to save Ryan from being 86ed by the thug. (Note: scandal and high society supposedly don’t mix, equaling grounds for expulsion…and if you believe that one, there’s a bridge in Brooklyn I can sell you on the cheap!)
Then comes the real contender to dethrone Julie’s title. Charlotte, the schizoid lush who met Kirsten in alcohol rehab and has conjured a Svengali like hold over Kirsten’s brain cells, convincing our Cohen matriarch, heroine after leaving rehab, to not go home to her family, because according to Charlotte’s ‘’personal experience’’….all lushes relapse, and Kirsten wouldn’t want to go home to fail Sandy, Seth, and Ryan.
Actually, we know Kirsten is just fine and well. It’s Charlotte who is one can short of a six pack, one slice short of a loaf of bread..oh you get the picture! Unbeknownst to Kirsten, Charlotte never dried out at the rehab clinic, or ever, so it seems. After conniving and convincing Kirsten that ‘’it’s for the best’’ for Kirsten to get herself together by staying with whacko Charlotte at Ms. Demented’s secluded cabin in the woods, Charlotte ‘’confides’’, tearfully, hysterically to Kirsten that it is she who needs Kirsten to stay with her so she (Charlotte) can ‘’stay sober’’. As Kirsten walks away, Charlotte dries her phony ass tears, takes a swig of booze from her secret stash, and the manipulative whack job smirks, smugly, sociopath loony tune that she is.
Then we have ultra bastard extraordinaire, Harbor’s new Dean, Jack Hess (as in Nazi, Rudolf Hess!), a man with a mission, which is expelling Marissa (See Paragraph 2!), and then baiting Ryan (seems Hess gets his jollies wanting to expel Ryan too), with supreme jerkdom. Now we all know when you FUCK with Ryan, punches get thrown.
Unfortunately, that’s Hess’s master plan. And when Ryan lands a killer right hook on the SOB, (YEA!! Go Ryan!) for worse yet, fucking with Ryan’s lady love, Marissa, with Hess grabbing, dragging, and pawing her like a lion with a freshly killed gazelle, simply over Marissa stepping onto so called school property, showing up at the school carnival with Ryan, just so she can hang with friends Summer and Seth, and enjoy a big wet snog, lip lock with Ryan on the Ferris Wheel, a la Season One, well fireworks go off, and not the good kind. Fucker Hess gleefully expels Ryan, too, on the spot at the school carnival, in front of all of Harbor’s jaw dropped student body, with a mega snarky, smirking look on his face so smug, we personally wanted to slug it off! Oomph!
Give us some boxing gloves, cause after we’re done kicking psycho bitch, Charlotte’s ass, we’re laying out dickwad Hess. Two for the price of one we say!
So what’s in store for next week? We hear Ryan’s and Marissa’s parents FORBID them to see one another, ever again. Ah yeah…right.
SPOILER ALERT! Ryan and Marissa run away together, on a romantic sexcapade, at their very own canoodling friendly, makeshift beach home and hideaway. Ooh la la!!!!!!!
Tune in right here, all week, and next week. Same channel, same blog, for the further adventures of ‘’The O.C.”!
No smirking, smug assholes allowed!
Muse News And Micro Muse September 16, 2005
By Arlene R. Weiss © Copyright September 16, 2005
No comments:
Post a Comment